Ah, the library–a trusted epicenter where one comes to study, snack, and even socialize. At least, that’s what my friend told me. To give myself some context, I decided to go to a library for the very first time! Here’s a few things I found out:
1. Upon entering any library, if you make a left and two rights, that doesn’t do anything! Hah–my friend told me I would find myself in a magical secret corner, but I’m starting to think she was just being fun.
2. Children in libraries are there because they really love books. In fact, I saw one child running around with a book and figured out that if I yelled, “mangoes!” in an aggressive voice, the child would clutch onto the book even harder and run even faster!
3. “Hey, whatcha readin’?” is a totally acceptable way to strike up a conversation with a fellow library-goer! Unfortunately it seems to be less effective if you ask five people in a row who all realize you’re not interested in them specifically, but rather the idea of meeting just anyone at all during your new library experience. People apparently like to be recognized as individuals in and out of libraries!
4. It may seem like you’re invisible when you walk around the library due to the fact that everyone is so focused on what they are doing. Turns out, an easy trick to reversing this spell is walking through the main room with a ripe tuna sandwich! It’s like, why didn’t I try this in high school to get the cool girls to notice me?
5. Libraries usually have recent magazines available to borrow. This is especially good to know for next time considering I just stole five of them thinking it was a free-for-all like in the waiting room of a doctor’s office.
6. When you’re tired of looking at picture books and reading words, you can find an open desk, strap your bag to your leg using the jumprope that little girl brought with her to probably use at the playground later, and nap a bunch! Unlike fancy coffee shops or aisle three in Home Depot, libraries can’t kick you out for publicly clunking out.
7. This library does not provide free snacks–those were someone else’s.
Unlike mom and dad at home, librarians don’t really want to clean up after you take twelve books off the shelves and sprawl them out onto the ground with no intention of putting them back or checking them out. Because mommy and daddy loved cleaning up after my messes, they said.
8. Since it’s 2019, people will sometimes leave kind notes in public places, like the library, to brighten others’ day. However, when I left a note saying, “Can I have your urine?” it was actually frowned upon!
9. If you try to leave the library without checking out your books, a man or woman in a fun police costume will run after you. What’s funnier are the looks you’ll get if you then initiate a thumb war with them!